In life, your community is less about quantity and more about quality. It's about surrounding yourself with people who truly see, support, and celebrate the authentic you. Yet, finding this kind of community often requires a conscious decision to step away from what no longer aligns with your soul's journey.

A crossroad occurs in the healing journey when one must look closely at the relationships around them. You will start to be unapologetically yourself and let go of the need to be liked. Ridicule and judgment are inevitable from others, but their opinions reflect their own struggles, not yours. To continue onward you must rise above and focus on building a life that sets your soul on fire.

Too many of us aren't getting to where we want to be because we are hanging out with people who are bringing us down instead of lifting us up. In this post we'll discuss the importance of auditing your inner circle and getting serious about the value of our relationships and friendships.

Fostering Aligned Connections

People come and stay in our lives based on energetic frequency. When our frequency changes, the people around us will either change with us, or naturally leave our lives. Don't resist when this happens, don't lower your frequency to keep someone. The key is in maintaining your high vibration and allowing those who align to stay or come in.

Feeling safe with others is one of the most crucial elements of our personal energies. Secure relationships form the foundation of a fulfilling and meaningful life, and thriving mental health. When we have a sense of stability, belonging, and support we can better navigate challenges and find deeper meaning in our experiences.

Your body will tell you all you need to know. Clues you're with the right people:

• Softening of the breath

• Relaxing the jaw, the gaze, the shoulders

• Leaning towards

• Feeling warmth in their hearth

• Moving or laughing more freely

• Losing sense of time

• Hearing warmth in the tone of their voice,

• Seeing light in their eyes

The body knows, we just need to tune in and listen.

Bessel A. van der Kolk

The Harsh Truth

One of the biggest lessons we can learn is that some people, in fact MANY people, are simply not good humans. They are the lost and lonely souls who may have charm, wit. or success on the outside but they lack the key quality on the inside that is needed for humanity to thrive: EMPATHY

Kindness, honesty, and integrity matter far more than surface-level appeal. Look deeper at who is around you and pay attention to who takes more than they give, and who has an agenda that is written purely for themselves or those like them.

Letting Go of Misaligned Relationships

It’s essential to acknowledge when certain connections no longer serve you. Friends, family, or acquaintances might not be on the same page—and that’s okay. Everyone is on their unique path, and trying to convince someone to grow or change when they aren’t ready only drains your energy. Instead, release these relationships with love and focus on cultivating bonds with those who uplift and inspire you.

The process of releasing misaligned relationships isn’t about blame. It’s about choosing to honor your growth and protect the sacred purpose you’re stepping into. Some people may circle back when their journey aligns with yours, and others may not. Either way, trust the process and know your path is leading you toward those meant to walk alongside you.

Friends. Workplaces. Religions. Communities. Sometimes even family.⠀

Not everyone who comes into our lives is meant to stay forever. People come into our lives for different reasons- some to teach us lessons, some to share experiences with us through certain seasons.

But most relationships have a natural end. When they leave, it's important to recognize that their part in our journey has been fulfilled, and our paths must now diverge. Trust that it is for your highest good.

Their exit may be painful at first, but often gives way to new opportunities, deeper connections, and the discovery of new aspects of yourself.

Strive to hang out with those who fit your FUTURE, not your past. Letting go is not 'giving up". Instead it's an act of acceptance - embracing the flow of life.

Though you may have been trained to be a people-pleasing, co-dependent chameleon in your childhood, it is NOT your job to be everything to everyone.

We are all changing, all of the time. Relationships or situations that once fit us like puzzle pieces become uncomfortable as we expand.

People who are used to our silence will not know what to do with our voices. People who are used to being prioritized by us are flabbergasted when we put our own needs first. People without aspirations or dreams may make us feel stagnant as we pursue our goals.⠀

Receiving pushback from putting up a wall? It's ok to say "This relationships simply isnt serving me anymore. I feel misaligned or misunderstood in a way that doesn't feel good or safe anymore. I only wish you the best moving forward."

No need to feel guilty. You're not mean or heartless. You're not cold, or inconsiderate. You're simply growing and evolving!

Jack Kornfield

Finding your Soulpod

Humans thrive in collaboration, not isolation. A strong network doesn’t just amplify success; it transforms challenges into opportunities and fuels collective achievement.

Surrounding yourself with the right people can elevate your success by providing support, wisdom, and accountability. Seek out the following types of people in your life, family, and work:

• Allies who show up in challenging times with unwavering support.

• Challengers who question blind spots and push for growth.

• Mentors who offer guidance, perspective, and hard-earned wisdom.

• Collaborators who share ambition, values, and a commitment to shared goals.

Victoria Erickson

Remember, a soulmate doesn’t have to be limited to romantic relationships. Deep, meaningful connections can be found in many unexpected forms - anyone or anything who understands you completely, brings unconditional love, or even a profound soul-shaking experience. The energy of love and warmth is present all around us, all the time.

What should you look for when building your intentional community?

1. They make your heart feel truly seen and valued.

2. Your nervous system feels calm and safe in their presence.

3. They celebrate your growth and individuality without judgment.

4. Conversations feel natural, deep, and mutually supportive.

5. You can be your authentic self without fear of rejection.

6. They inspire and uplift you while holding space during challenges.

7. There's a shared sense of trust, respect, and alignment in values.

8. They support my goals and dreams and are genuinely happy for your successes

9. They challenge you to be better, not just settle for mediocrity

Timothy Armoo

Friends as Family

The phrase “blood is thicker than water” is commonly interpreted to mean that family relationships are more important than other bonds. However, an older version of the saying—“The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb" suggests that chosen bonds are stronger than the ties of biological kinship.

In other words, the relationships you choose are stronger than the ones you inherit! Bonds formed through shared commitment, mutual support, or battle can hold greater value and strength than those you inherit by birth. This is a reminder to prioritize connections that nurture and support you over those that may drain your energy, regardless of familial ties.

You have the power to choose our community and are responsible for protecting your own peace and well-being. Estrangement is not an easy choice, but it is sometimes the best choice. You can separate maturely from those who are not aligned with your soul, and wish them no harm.

Your nervous system relaxes around people who have:

peace in their eyes

growth in their plans

kindness in their words

compassion in their perception

maturity in their choices

Yung Pueblo

Balanced & Boundaried

When we've lived in survival mode for a long time, our energy becomes suppressed and wounded. It's a delicate process to shift out of this programming, requiring lots of time, space and freedom. During this transition into our healed state, we can become highly sensitive to triggers which could cause us to revert to old ways. This is why we often feel the need to distance or isolate ourselves from people. It's pure self-protection.

Julia Roberts

Setting boundaries is not about creating division; it’s about protecting your peace and energy. You deserve relationships that don’t require constant explanations, defenses, or compromises of your core values. As you deepen your self-awareness, some connections will naturally fall away. This isn’t rejection—it’s redirection toward the people and spaces where you can thrive.

Get clear on who gets the privilege of your time, energy, attention. And who gets none of it.

Also, don't let someone else's energy change yours. Let people meet you where you are.

Sometimes we tolerate more than we should because we don't want to lose someone, or risk the discomfort of angering them, or feeling alone. But the people that are meant to stay longterm in our lives (our soul-tribe, our karmic "gifts" rather than our 'punishments" ) would not treat you with disrespect in the first place. They wouldn't lie to you, hurt you and then blatantly not seem to care, or apologize, or take accountability.

Those behaviors, words and actions are all the closure you need, screaming at you to LET THEM GO. Let them be themselves, and go on your own way. Know that Access to you is a privilege they have proven they can’t be trusted with. Hold tight to what you can control (your peace) and release your grip on what you can’t control (them) 

• Let them be upset.

• Let them judge you.

• Let them misunderstand you.

• Let them gossip about you,

• Let them ignore you.

• Let them be "right."

• Let them doubt you.

• Let them slander you.

  
  

• Don’t let them smother your joy.

• Don’t let them diminish your light.

• Don’t let them steal your peace.

• Don't let them take your power.

Brianna Pastor

Becoming A Magnet for Authenticity

When you commit time and energy to getting to know yourself, identifying the signs of alignment becomes second nature.

The more you walk your authentic path, the more you will naturally "filter out" the wrong people for you- especially those that are close-minded, or those who only want to take safer, more comfortable, unawakened or unhealed routes.

Billy Chapata

It's so important to know where you place your values, because that is also where you place your identity.

Your identity should never be attached to something that could be taken away.

• your checking account

• the car that you drive

• the type of house you live in

• the clothes you wear

All of that material STUFF is impermanent. If they were taken away, who would you be?

Ideally you'd always have your integrity, your kindness, your resilience, and your faith. All of this is on the inside.

You also have your hobbies, passions and interests. Those can help you find your people.

If you want to go for a run, a hike, or a trip do it. Don't wait for company. Eventually as you do what you love, similar like-minded people will find you where you are.

Nothing, and no one, that is meant for you will require you to

• compromise your integrity

• lower your vibration

• disable your boundaries

• abandon your values

• act out of character

in order to receive it.

If someone is for you, you'll be able to be true yourself around them- big and bold. In contrast, anything or anyone that requires you to act out of alignment is NOT for you.

You weren’t made to blend in or play small. Let people have their opinions, judgements, ridicule and more. Afterall, they reflect more about them than about you. Instead, focus on what ignites your passion and fulfills your purpose. Filter out unwelcome or unhelpful feedback - It's just noise. Don’t shrink to fit others’ expectations; rise above and stay true to yourself.

Danielle Laporte

As you align more deeply with your truth, you naturally attract like-minded individuals. The energy you exude becomes a beacon for others on similar journeys. These connections won’t feel forced or superficial—they’ll resonate with who you’ve become.

Your very presence will be alarming, uncomfortable and triggering to some. You will always be too much (big, bold, fierce, etc) for those who haven't embraced their own truth and authenticity. But remember you're not here to be liked. You're here to be felt and experienced. You're here to awaken and ignite.

Ilya Prigogine

True community is based on reciprocity—a balance of giving and receiving. Seek out relationships where support flows both ways. Surround yourself with people who respect your boundaries, celebrate your growth, and reflect your values.

The Bottom Line: Go and Stay where your energy is..

APPRECIATED

CELEBRATED

RECIPROCATED

If you have to knock or ask to be let in, it's not your door.

Rachel Harrison

Creating Flow

Relationships of all types can be unpredictable, shifting in intensity, form, focus or purpose over time. They shouldn't be rigid or confined to a single definition or expectation to be meaningful. Instead, they can evolve based on circumstances, personal growth, or shared experiences.

Our relationships may wax and wane or adapt to new contexts and dynamics at any given moment. This is nature.

Solitude as a Bridge

Feeling isolated while shedding old patterns and relationships can be painful but transformative. Solitude isn’t a punishment; it’s an opportunity to recalibrate. When you stop forcing connections, you make space for authentic relationships to find you. This time alone strengthens your self-reliance and helps you understand what truly matters in your connections.

Be prepared for the lonely times on the journey and in the transition from unawakened to awakened. Walking through uncharted territory, on your way to find your "soulpod" often means walking alone.

You know you're "winning" on the journey when you're ok with not being liked, not being invited, not being supported or not being understood. YOU define your own true path, your worth, value and identity - not anyone else.

Jeff Brown

Why It Matters

To build the communities that we long for, we don’t just need a new set of skills—we need a complete shift in our worldview. And that shift can only happen when we start questioning the systems that brought us here in the first place.

Our society will not survive much longer built on systems of competition, hyper-individualism, greed and exploitation of power. One of the ways that the toxic patriarchy survive is by forcing people to continue relationships with those who do not serve their best interest.

The biggest fear of narcissistic and power-hungry leaders is losing “control” of other people. Walking away and disengaging is how you take back control and power. This will take WORK. When all of the land, urban planning and cultural structures discourage connection, fostering genuine community requires extra intentional effort and active contributions.

Gary Vaynerchuk

The world is in need of people who are

• fully resourced to give. So many of us are running ragged on empty batteries, and as the saying goes - "you can't pour from an empty cup".  If the majority of us are walking around without access to the time, energy, resources, housing, to build and maintain a community, then we will get nowhere.

• profoundly conscious and alert, fully engaged with life,

• acting together with love and a shared sense of purpose.

These people bring a powerful and transformative energy that can lead to meaningful progress and unity in society. Their presence and actions can inspire others, create communities of support and care, and drive initiatives that make the world a better place. When individuals are empowered and connected in this way, they become catalysts for positive change, fostering environments where everyone can thrive.

Jean Vanier

Building A New World

In order to create your own intentional community it's important to first clarify: What Does Community Mean?

True Community is...

• the bonds and connections that tie people together through shared wisdom, resources, values, mutual support, and collective purpose.

• an entity or group that thrives on collaboration, empathy, and the willingness to uplift one another, fostering a sense of belonging and shared responsibility.

• a space where individuals can bring their whole selves, contributing their unique talents and perspectives for the greater good.

• a place of power of collective effort, where every person has a role to play, and their contributions shape the whole.

Parker J. Palmer

To build a new, more connected, and equitable world, a more sustainable and functional society, we must release outdated ways of thinking and embrace all new paradigms. This transformation requires courage, humility, and a willingness to let go of what no longer serves us.

• Collectivism > Individualism: Move away from hyper-individualistic thinking that prioritizes self over others and instead recognize the power of collective action.

• Systems Thinking: Understand that the challenges we face—whether environmental, social, or economic—are interconnected and require holistic solutions.

• Radical Empathy: Commit to understanding and valuing experiences outside of our own, fostering deeper compassion and connections across differences.

• Equity & Inclusion: Address systemic inequities and ensure that all voices, especially those historically marginalized, are heard and empowered. We mono-culture where everyone has the same way of looking at the world. We have to get out of this mono-culture mindset where we fear and isolate from those with differences. When we learn more about each other we can see how eachother can help in the bigger picture.

• Lifelong Learning: Stay curious and adaptable, recognizing that the path to a new world requires continuous learning, unlearning, and reimagining. It's about embracing a mindset of evolution.

• Sustainable, Independent Alternatives: We must find and create alternative systems for essential resources like food and energy, such as urban farming, farming cooperatives, and localized energy production. These systems don’t need to rival mainstream production in scale or efficiency but serve to increase independence from dominant political and economic systems.

  
  

Communities remind us that humans are inherently interdependent and that we are stronger together than we are alone. It's not just about what we take from it but also what we give back, which often contradicts capitalism and consumerism society. To make any progress, we have to pull away from 'The Man' and make measurable, noticeable changes in how we live and work.

By building stronger, more inclusive communities and adopting the wisdom of collective action, we can create a future rooted in resilience, compassion, and shared progress.

Wrapping It Up

It’s so important to choose our communities intentionally and lovingly. Sometimes that requires walking away or distancing ourselves from ones we were born into or fell into.

Building a community rooted in mutual respect and alignment is one of the greatest acts of self-love—and it starts with letting go of what no longer fits.

We are the generation of pattern breakers and self-healers, setting boundaries and prioritizing self-care. it requires courage to walk away from relationships that are not healthy for us, to prioritize our physical and emotional safety over obligation or expectation.

The right connections feel like a breath of fresh air. Being around those who truly see and celebrate you, those who radiate kindness, emotional maturity, and compassion can make your nervous system feel safe. Prioritize those connections— they're a game changer.

Embrace the natural evolution of your self, your soul AND your relationships. Prioritize QUALITY over quantity, honor your boundaries, and trust that your soul tribe is waiting for you. Go where the Love is, Go where the Light is.

Maryann Gorthouah Ross

Erin is a certified feng shui consultant, energy healer, wellness coach and holistic growth strategist.

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