Keeping the Peace & Maintaining Your Power: How to Navigate Difficult Conversations & Toxic People
The most important spiritual work doesn't happen on the yoga mat, or in meditation. It happens in the midst of conflict - when you're frustrated, angry, scared, overwhelmed, and reacting in the same old way but suddenly realize you have a choice to do it differently.
Conflict is often rooted in unresolved wounds and projections of our own insecurities or ego. Whether it arises in relationships, families, communities, or even on a national level, avoiding conflict or responding defensively only deepens divides. But conflict doesn’t have to be a destructive force; with the right mindset and tools, it can become a pathway to growth, deeper understanding, and stronger connections.
Difficult conversations, though uncomfortable, are essential for resolution and progress. It’s tempting to avoid them, hoping that the issue will somehow resolve on its own. However, as many of us have learned, silence doesn’t keep the peace—it builds more stress in the long run.
So, how can we engage in difficult conversations effectively, turning conflict into a chance for personal and relational growth? It begins with emotional intelligence and a willingness to address issues head-on, guided by empathy and openness.
"The ego seeks conflict because it feels separate from others. In truth, recognizing our shared humanity can free us from the ego's grip."
Eckhart Tolle
Identifying Abuse & Toxicity
Abuse can take many forms—emotional, physical, financial, or psychological—and often starts subtly before escalating. Recognizing the signs of an abusive relationship is essential to understanding your situation and seeking help.
Physical abuse may involve threats, intimidation, or actual harm, while emotional abuse might include more subtle. or manipulative behaviors to remove your power:
humiliating you in public
invading your personal space and boundaries
constant criticism and ridicule
gaslighting
belittling
isolating you from loved ones
constant guilt-tripping or shaming
dismissing thoughts or feelings
making you doubt yourself
making you feel responsible for their anger or unhappiness.
blaming you for situations out of your control
using sarcasm to hurt you
controlling every choice or aspect of your life
DARVO is an acronym that stands for "Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender."which describes typical narcissistic abuse. This tactic is particularly damaging because it is meant to confuse the victim and make them doubt their perceptions and feelings, often leading to a cycle of emotional manipulation and control.
Deny: The individual denies any wrongdoing or responsibility for their actions.
Attack: They may then attack the person who is bringing up the issue, often by criticizing or blaming them.
Reverse Victim and Offender: Finally, they portray themselves as the victim in the situation, shifting the focus away from their behavior and making the other person feel guilty or responsible for the conflict.
Understanding 'DARVO' can help individuals recognize these patterns and seek healthier interactions. Victims must stay grounded in their reality, document interactions, set firm boundaries, and disengage from manipulative power struggles.
“Energy vampires prey on others because they are in pain, and their behavior is a disguised cry for help.”
Christiane Northrup
Energy Vampires
An energy vampire is a person that actively or passively drains your emotional or physical energy, often leaving you feeling exhausted, overwhelmed, or depleted. They thrive on others’ light - their expertise, wisdom, attention, empathy, or kindness while offering little in return.
Constant Negativity: They focus on problems, complaining frequently without seeking solutions.
Drama-Centered: They create or attract unnecessary drama in their lives.
Victim Mentality: They perpetually play the victim, making others feel responsible for their happiness.
Overstepping Boundaries: They ignore boundaries and demand your time or attention excessively.
One-Sided Relationships: Interactions feel unbalanced; they take more than they give.
Physical or Emotional Fatigue: You feel drained, irritable, or “off” after spending time with them.
Silent Judgement: They watch you quietly from a distance without ever offering acknowledgement, support, validation, or encouragement. creating unspoken tension and leaving you feeling unseen or undervalued.
By recognizing these traits, you can set boundaries and protect your energy to maintain your emotional well-being. Their behaviors only reflect their internal state and spiritual journey, not your worth.
"Love shouldn't hurt. If it does, it’s not love—it’s control, fear, and manipulation disguised as affection."
Lundy Bancroft
Compassionate Communication
Compassionate communication is an approach to interacting with others that emphasizes empathy, understanding, and respect. It involves
listening attentively
seeking to understand another person’s perspective without judgment
responding in a way that values their feelings and needs.
avoiding blame, criticism, and defensiveness
promoting openness and collaboration.
Unfortunately some people just want a villian to validate their emotion or behavior. They're looking for an enemy or a scapegoat. The best thing to do is leave them in their own discomfort and negativity by responding with compassion, kindness, calm, even silence. Deny them that conflict in the face of their anger.
By fostering connection and mutual respect, compassionate communication helps resolve conflicts, strengthens relationships, and creates an environment where all parties feel heard and valued. It’s about bridging differences with kindness and finding solutions that honor everyone involved.
“When you look deeply into your anger, you will see that the person you call your enemy is also suffering. As soon as you see that, the capacity of accepting and having compassion for them is there.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
Understanding Silence
When we bottle up our feelings or avoid tough conversations, the unresolved issues quietly build over time. Avoiding conflict doesn’t protect us from its effects—it simply pushes the problem into the background, where it slowly chips away at our peace or relationship. By staying silent, we trade short-term comfort for long-term strain, often resulting in:
Anxiety
Resentment
Frustration
Unnecessary tension
Misunderstandings
Missed connections
Self-doubt
Silence is a passive, fearful response that allows conflict to simmer. When we choose not to speak out, we often give others’ words and actions the power to shape our emotions and self-worth. But we don’t have to let that happen. Taking control of our reactions—and responding with emotional intelligence—allows us to manage difficult conversations with grace, clarity, and confidence.
That being said, we should also know when silence can be helpful. It's best to remain quiet when
You don't know the whole story
You feel overcome with emotion
You don't feel in control of your volume or tone
"The most dangerous psychological mistake is the projection of the shadow onto others. This is the root of almost all conflict"
Carl Jung
Combating The Roots: Projection, Gaslighting & more
Our personal deficiencies shape words and behavior in ways that deflect responsibility and undermine others. Altogether, these reveal a pattern: when people lack inner stability, they often protect their ego by dismissing, deflecting, or denying rather than addressing issues head-on.
Projection is a psychological defense mechanism where individuals attribute their own feelings, thoughts, or motives onto others, often without realizing it. This occurs when a person unconsciously denies qualities within themselves and instead sees them in someone else, which can lead to misunderstandings and unjust blame. On a personal level, projection can strain relationships by creating unwarranted judgments and unresolved resentments. In professional settings, it fuels workplace conflicts, as colleagues may unfairly accuse others of faults they deny in themselves.
Globally, projection escalates tensions between groups and nations, as leaders and citizens assign blame or hostility to others rather than addressing their own issues or biases. This pattern of projection prevents authentic connection, distorts reality, and obstructs constructive conflict resolution, perpetuating cycles of misunderstanding and division.
If they lack accountability, they'll shift the blame
If they lack communication, they'll say you're arguing
If they lack emotional intelligence, they'll call you sensitive
If they lack self-awareness, they'll criticize others
If they lack honesty, they'll distort the truth
If they lack boundaries they'll overstep yours
If they lack integrity they'll justify their wrongdoing.
"Projection is one of the commonest ways of dealing with difficult emotions. Instead of owning our feelings, we attribute them to someone else."
Carl Jung
Gaslighting, on the other hand, is a form of psychological manipulation aimed at making someone doubt their reality and trust in themselves. It’s often used gradually by abusers, narcissists, manipulators, projectors, parasites and other toxic people to gain control. Typical tactics include denial, personal attacks, spreading lies, creating confusion, and isolating the victim.
In order to counteract gaslighting and projection its imperative to point out manipulation to maintain your sense of reality. Reassert your perspective without being confrontational, reinforcing your confidence while protecting against further pressure to comply
"I did this wrong thing, but what about when you did that other bad thing?" (Distracting and blame-shifting)
"I did this but I am a really good person" (Undermining and dismissing, Confusing, Disorienting)
"What I am doing is fine and normal, you're the bad/wrong one" (Demeaning, Pressuring)
"I did this for you and you don't even appreciate it" (Guilting and shaming)
You can only deliver, or recieve, messages to and from those who are on a vibrational match to the message. So don't stress yourself out saying things to people who can't hear you. Save your energy for those that are ready to recieve.
Mastering the Art of Difficult Conservation
When it comes to resolving conflict, vulnerability and empathy are essential. Being open about how we’ve been impacted and how we’d like things to change is far more productive than harboring resentment or anger. These turning a potentially confrontational moment into one of collaboration and connection. Understanding the other person’s perspective can shift the dynamic, creating a shared space for problem-solving.
To combat gaslighting and projection, trust your instincts, document interactions, and set clear boundaries. Focus on facts, avoid confusing arguments, and seek support from trusted people. Strengthen your self-esteem, educate yourself on gaslighting tactics, and consider professional help if needed. If the environment is too toxic, plan a safe exit. These strategies help you regain control, protect your mental health, and restore self-trust.
Difficult conversations don’t have to end in conflict. With the right approach, they can be opportunities for growth and understanding. Here are a few steps to handle these talks constructively:
These strategies demonstrate a desire to understand rather than assume the worst, encouraging a more collaborative interaction. They act like a mirror, reflecting peoples intention and allowing them to see the impact of their actions
Prepare Yourself
Reflect on the issue: Understand what needs to be discussed and why it matters. Spend time clarifying the issue in your mind before addressing it.
Define your desired outcome: Be clear on what you hope to achieve from the conversation—whether it’s clarity, a resolution, or simply better understanding.
Find a private, neutral setting: Choose a location that allows for an open and honest conversation.
Allow enough time: Ensure both parties have adequate time to talk. Rushed conversations often lead to misunderstandings and defensiveness.
Remember the purpose: The point is not to win the argument or be right. The point is to collaborate, not compete. The point is to have both parties walk away feeling heard, seen and understood.
Never trade your authenticity for approval.
Communicate Clearly and Calmly
Be intentional with your words: Speak thoughtfully and mean what you say.
Explain the issue: Use clear statements like, “When you did ____, it caused ____. Next time, I’d appreciate if you could ____.”
Use “I” statements: This helps express your feelings without assigning blame. For example, “I feel concerned when…”
Stay composed: If the conversation becomes heated, take a moment to breathe. A calm demeanor can help de-escalate the situation.
Remember, you dont have to be 'nice' in order to be a good person. There's a difference. Being a good person means being honest, setting boundaries, and taking care of yourself without compromising values. Being nice may get you temporary aproval but it rarely earns you respect or helps you build genuine connection. In fact, it will often get you used, stressed and disrespected. Honor your truth. You don't have to be nice.
Practice Empathy & Emotional Intelligence
Sometimes, understanding the reasons behind a bully's behavior can help you deal with them. While this doesn’t excuse their actions, it can allow you to respond with compassion rather than anger.
Stay grounded: Remember that others’ words often reflect their perspective, not necessarily a truth about you.
Clarify intentions: Ask questions rather than assuming motives. Communicate in a way that keeps things clear and constructive.
Be Open to Compromise
Aim for balance: Approach the conversation with a willingness to meet in the middle. The goal is mutual resolution, not winning.
Focus on the Issue, Not the Person
Address behavior, not character: Avoid personal attacks. Focusing on the behavior encourages cooperation rather than defensiveness.
Listen actively: Give the other person a chance to speak without interrupting. Acknowledge their perspective, even if you don’t agree.
Learning not to react to unsettled or unstable energy is both self-protection and self-mastery. There is true power in restraint and disclipine. Stand in your grounded neutrality and do not match others energy. Let their toxicity go around you, not through you. Then transmute it into good.
Disarming Aggression
The following phrases, approaches, and examples demonstrate emotional intelligence using a blend of lighthearted sarcasm, empathy, gentle authority and boundary-setting to diffuse conflict in both everyday and challenging situations.
Gentle Tone and Infantilization: Using a calm, kind tone like you would with children, including phrases to deflate negative behavior. This tone works effectively by calling out behavior without aggression, creating discomfort through infantilization.
"Oh, sweetheart."
"You seem very upset. Let’s take three deep breaths and then let’s see if we can figure out what’s really bothering you.”
"Do you need a snack, or nap? Sometimes we don’t think through our words when we’re hungry or tired"
Disapproving of Behavior: Maintaining a calm demeanor while isolating the behavior as unacceptable. Assert gentle authority and set clear boundaries while diffusing tension. Convey a need for correction/redirection in a lighthearted way, using childlike tones to underscore the immaturity of the behavior without escalating the situation.Non-confrontational phrases to reframe a negative comment or behavior as a moment for self-reflection.
"Oh, we don’t do that here,"
" That's enough of that. That. Is. Enough."
"Let’s try that again"
"We take turns speaking here. You had your turn, now it’s my turn,"
"We’re working on good choices today, so what's another approach we can take?
"That behavior belongs in 1940s Germany"
“I am not impressed by that”
"Oops, you said that out loud"
"We don't speak like that to others"
"You're old enough to know better"
“That’s not very kind or loving”
"Seems like you are an ugly, unsafe person on the inside."
"That was what we refer to as 'an inside thought'"
"That seems more like a moral failure than an actual opinion"
"Do you want to try that again?"
Empathy and Acknowledgement: Using empathetic phrases can disarm the situation and neutralize aggression while validating the other person’s experience
"Oh my! Those are some BIG feelings!"
"I see you're having a big feeling right now. Let me know when your body and brain are calm"
“Are you doing ok?”
"You sound really sad, do you have someone you can trust to talk to?"
"Are you having a bad day?"
"Wow, you must be hurting. Are you hurt on your body or your feelings?"
Creating a Mirror: Deflect by asking specific, reflective questions encourages the person to reconsider their actions or words. This gives them a chance to rethink or clarify their statement, often diffusing tension before it escalates. Seek clarity on their purpose to shift the conversation toward understanding rather than assumption, inviting them to explain without hostility.
"Who told you that was true?"
"And what kind of response did you hope to get with that?"
“Can you please repeat that so. Ican make sure I didn't imagine it?”
"Do you feel proud of yourself?"
“Seems like you're trying to embarrass. or hurt me. I’s that the case?”
"I wonder what made you say/think/do that?"
“Can you explain exactly what you mean by that?”
“Please provide examples so we can have a fair conversation.”
“Vague statements like that aren’t helpful right now; can you clarify?”
“What was your intent in saying that?”
Request A Rephrase/Reframe
Asking for a reframe signals your openness to engage constructively while protecting your boundaries. This ensures you’re on the same page without misunderstanding, showing genuine interest in their perspective.
“Could you share that another way?
" I don’t think that’s what you meant to say. Do you want to try that again?”
"I’m feeling defensive and just need you to confirm thats accurate.
“It sounds like you’re saying ... —can you confirm if that’s accurate?”
"I’d like to understand your perspective better. Could you help me understand what you meant by that?"
"Can you clarify what you meant? I want to make sure I understand correctly before responding"
Let Silence Speak
Oftentimes, silence is the most powerful response. By pausing and not immediately reacting, you give the other person a chance to process and let things sink in. Sitting calmly in the discomfort puts you back in control and can subtly shift the dynamic.
A toxic person's baiting tactics are intentionally designed to hurt you, upset and provoke a reaction. These covertly abusive people are highly manipulative and controlling, and will show no concern or apology or accountability for their words or actions. Their comments are meant to make you feel small, pull you into an argument and create unneccesary drama. Resist the urge to engage or fight back. In their mind, your reaction is the problem, not them. They will never accept any blame.
Responses to Conflict
People respond to conflict in various ways, often influenced by their personality, past experiences, and their level of comfort with confrontation or disagreement, and the situation at hand. Both verbal and non-verbal communication can shift from harmful to constructive depending on the intent and approach of those involved.
What does Avoidant Communication look like?
withdrawal
isolation
masking
dishonesty
ignoring
postponing
delaying
What does Violent/Hostile Communication look like?
physical attacks
intimidation
psychological warfare
verbal threats
aggressive confrontation
manipulation/control
bullying
blaming
fear mongering
force
What does Nonviolent Communication look like?
diffusing tension
solutions-oriented discussions
active listening
compromise
agreeing to disagree
share problem solving
collaborative decision making
conveying empathy
conflict resolution
mutual respect
validation/reassurance
“I will not apologize for my strength and the way it intimidates you. I will not tame my spirit and the way it howls. I will not be less”
L.E. Bowman
Maintaining Your Peace
These strategies, when practiced together, form a powerful toolkit for navigating conflicts while protecting your inner peace. Over time, they can help you become more resilient, compassionate, and calm, no matter what challenges arise.
Grounding In Feminine Energy
Dealing with bullies using spirituality, and witchcraft can be empowering and transformative.
Focus on nurturing qualities such as compassion, intuition, and strength. Ground yourself in self-love and confidence. Trust your instincts and stand your ground without aggression.
Spend time in meditation to clear your mind and connect with your inner self. Grounding exercises, such as walking in nature or connecting with the earth, can help you find stability and empowerment.
Create a protective charm or spell. Creating a protection jar filled with ingredients like salt, herbs (such as rosemary for protection), and crystals (like black tourmaline or amethyst). As you prepare it, focus your intentions on safety and strength.
Use tarot cards, runes, or other forms of divination to gain insight into the situation. This can help you understand the underlying dynamics and how to best approach the challenge.
Regularly cleanse your energy through rituals, such as smudging with sage or using sound healing. This helps release any negativity that may be lingering from bullying encounters.
May you be happy.
May you be healthy.
May you be safe.
May you be peaceful.
May you live with ease and kindness.
Loving Kindness Meditation (LKM)
LKM, or metta bhavana, is a Buddhist practice that cultivates unconditional goodwill and universal friendliness toward oneself and others. It’s backed by both ancient wisdom and modern science, offering numerous mental, emotional, spiritual and physical benefits.
It's also revolutionary because it challenges Western notions of love as personal, conditional, or transactional, instead fostering strength and resilience.
Compassionate phrases are repeated while visualization. oflight connecting hearts and radiating outward from oneself to loved ones, strangers, difficult people, and all beings across time and space.
Peace begins with me. I send love and kindness to myself and all beings. May we all be free.
The simplest, most life-changing mantra: "Let them." Honor other people's journey and actions and stop trying to control their narrative. Their behaviors and opinions are none of your business.
Detaching Mindfully
Mindful detachment means observing situations with a sense of calm objectivity. It doesn’t mean you stop caring; rather, you choose not to take things personally. Practicing mindful detachment can help you handle conflict with a steady, grounded approach, avoiding emotional reactivity.
When faced with a challenging situation, take a deep breath and remind yourself to observe rather than react. Imagine watching the interaction from a slight distance, as if you were a neutral observer. This perspective shift can help you respond thoughtfully instead of reacting impulsively.
Every misinterpretation is a confession.
How someone misunderstands things, or you, is a direct indidcation of their unique experience in life - their mindset, perspectives and feelings. It’s a window into their inner world, revealing how they view others and themselves. It's data!
Your time, your presence, your peace—they are all sacred. Protect them fiercely. It’s not selfish to set boundaries; it’s an act of love—for yourself and for those around you. By honoring your energy, you create space for your own growth and allow others to step into their own power.
Setting Boundaries
Sometimes people will push or pressure us verbally to break us down or drag us into an argument to see if we'll crack. Boundaries allow you to stand your ground while keeping your peace.
Setting healthy boundaries is essential for self-respect and protecting your mental and emotional well-being. Clear boundaries communicate your limits in relationships, helping prevent resentment and misunderstandings.
Boundaries aren’t about shutting people out—they’re about taking care of yourself so you can engage authentically. Identify areas where you feel overstretched, and communicate your needs openly and responsibly.
Asserting yourself with emotionally mature, psychologically safe people leads to conversation, not conflict.
Rather than using shame or blame to address others’ behavior, which often triggers defensiveness and damages trust, focus on expressing your needs with honesty and empathy. This approach fosters genuine connection and mutual growth, moving beyond blame to create healthier, more understanding relationships.
Practice expressing your boundaries in a firm yet gentle way. Use the strength of your feminine energy to take control of the conersvation, assert yourself without lowering your self-respect and avoid engaging in further arguments.
Shame will never empower people to change. However a firmly-communicated, self-loving boundary will.
"I'm not interested in being disrespected by someone I've already lowered my standards for"
"When ___ happens, I feel ___ because it impacts me in ___. Moving forward I need [ to feel safe and respected."
"I’ve realized that I need ---- moving forward. Can we talk about how we might make that happen?" I’d appreciate your help
"When you ____, it affects me in ___ I need us to address this so we can keep things positive between us."
"I need to set a boundary here to keep our relationship healthy and secure. I care about us, and this is something I need to feel safe, respected and connected to you."
“Let’s stick to what actually happened.”
“I remember it differently, and I trust my memory.”
“I’m not comfortable with this conversation if we can’t stick to the facts.”
“This feels like manipulation, and I won’t participate in it.”
“I’m not interested in debating my feelings.”
“We are not going to argue about my perception of things.”
“I won’t discuss this further if it’s not a respectful conversation.”
“Let’s revisit this when we can talk calmly.”
“This conversation isn’t productive right now; let’s pause it.”
“I need a break. Let’s talk about this later.”
“I’ve made my decision and I will not be reconsidering,”
“My answer is clear, and I’m not going to explain myself,”
It’s not up for negotiation,”
Get Curious
In order to respond and not react you need to get good at asking questions. If you take your time to answer some key question you’ll be less emotionally reactive and more in control of the situation and how the conversation unfolds. When somebody does something or something you don’t like, turn inward and ask "what does it say about me?" Why is this trigger here? Why does it push your buttons and why is there a button there in the first place? "
Stay Present
"I statements" help you stay present during a heated conversation by grounding your experience in the here and now, preventing reactive escalation, and fostering clearer communication. By speaking in the present tense (for example, "I hear you saying..." or "I feel myself getting worked up...") you acknowledge what’s happening in the moment without assigning blame. This approach keeps the focus on your own emotions and perceptions rather than making accusatory or past-focused statements. It also invites the other person to engage with where you are right now, creating space for mutual understanding rather than defensiveness or conflict escalation.
Affirming & Asserting Self
Practicing self-affirmation is a way to nurture self-confidence and reinforce your worth. Affirming your value and strengths reduces dependency on external validation, helping you stay grounded when facing criticism or judgment from others.
“I am enough,”
“I handle challenges with grace and calm,”
"I am strong and deserving of respect."
"I call my power back. I call my time back. I call my agency back. I call my vitality back. I call my magic back.
"Across all portals, time and space - My energy stays with me."
"Your words have no power over me."
"No one controls my emotions but me"
"I am stronger and bigger than their judgment or opinions."
Develop a set of affirmations that remind you of your resilience, strength, and worth. Repeating these affirmations can remind you of your capabilities and center you during difficult interactions.
Use clear- non-negotiatable language that presents YOUR reality, your feelings, and expresses confidence in your understanding.
I won’t let you make me feel that way.”
“My perception isn’t up for debate.”
“I know who I am, and I’m not going to second-guess that.”
“I’m confident in what I saw/heard/experienced.”
“My feelings are valid, and I’m not going to ignore them.”
“This is how I feel, and I need you to respect that.”
“That’s not how I remember it.”
“I see things differently, and that’s okay.”
“Let’s agree to disagree on this.”
“I’m certain about my perspective, even if we don’t agree.”
“I trust my understanding of the situation.”
“I know what I experienced, and I’m confident in that.”
“I dont appreciate when you dismiss my perspective.”
“My feelings and experiences are important to me.”
“I need you to acknowledge how this makes me feel.”
When someone misunderstands you, consider it a blessing. It's the universe's gentle way of filtering out what isn't aligned with your authenticity and awareness.
Practicing Gratitude
Gratitude helps shift focus from what’s lacking or problematic to what is fulfilling and positive in your life. This mindset can reduce stress and remind you of the bigger picture, which is especially useful when dealing with conflict.
Start a gratitude journal where you write down a few things you’re thankful for each day. During conflict, remind yourself of these positives to help you approach the situation from a place of abundance and resilience. This practice can also provide perspective, making conflicts feel less consuming.
"Everything that irritates us about others than lead to an understanding of ourselves"
Carl Jung
Visualizing
Visualization involves mentally creating a positive outcome or seeing yourself in a calm state while navigating difficult conversations. By picturing a peaceful, successful resolution, you can foster a mindset that reduces anxiety and increases confidence.
Before a potentially difficult conversation, take a few minutes to close your eyes and visualize yourself staying calm, speaking clearly, and feeling confident. Imagine the conversation ending positively, with both parties feeling respected and understood. This mental rehearsal can help you handle the actual interaction with greater ease and poise.
Use visualization techniques to imagine a protective bubble surrounding you, safeguarding you from negativity.
Reflecting/Debriefing
Self-reflection is about assessing your role in conflicts and identifying areas where you could approach things differently. Reflecting on your reactions, triggers, and patterns of behavior can help you learn from past interactions and prepare for future ones.
After a conflict, take time to journal or meditate on the experience. Ask yourself questions like, “What triggered me in that conversation?” or “How could I express myself more effectively next time?” Through self-reflection, you gain insight into your own behavior and can develop healthier ways of managing conflicts in the future.
"You can't change people.
You can change your expectations. You can set boundaries and make decisions about how much time and effort you give. You can refocus your attention. You can practice acceptance and letting go.
But you can't mold someone into who you want or need them to be. You can't force them to make a shift before they're ready. You can't ask them to become someone different than who they authentically are. You shouldn't have to. And that can be a painful truth to sit with: that no matter how much you beg and explain things, no matter how many times you say what you need and communicate what hurts, that a person you care about can't show up for you in the way you need.
That sometimes, there's no one to blame and nothing to fix."
Daniell Koepke
Protecting Your Power
There are so many people, even our own family, friends, and neighbors, that are stuck in the shadows. These entities will unconsciously keep you stuck in karmic loops and patterns that destroy your physical, mental, and/or emotional well-being. These people are not vibrating at the frequency of unconditional love.
You don't need that "one more conversation," and you don't need to keep holding on with the hope that they will change or grow. When you're stuck in a cycle, without mutual desire for growth, the only way out is to leave fully. Save yourself. YOU matter first!
Antagonistic strangers may also try to bully or harass you online because that's how they "get their fix/supply" in their addiction to conflict and chaos.
Reminder: You are under NO OBLIGATION to engage with, attempt to educate, or empathize with people who are enabling or advocating for policies that contradict your values. You deserve to be in spaces that respect you, believe you, and want to hear your voice and viewpoints.
Try to focus on spreading INFORMATION, not more negativity and division. Ignorant, close-minded and childish people may try to dismiss or invalidate what you share but keep going - spreading light and love. Over time with more people saying the same truths these dark forces will start to absorb it, even if their ego refuses to admit anything openly.
Deprive them of energy. Do Not Engage. Block or ignore them. Send them into oblivion. Your attention is your power -don't let them take it from you.
While ignoring them or blocking them is always best, there are some Scripts for responding to unsolicited rude, condescending or hostile comments online:
What an odd/weird thing to say publicly.
Did you mean to say that outloud to the group? Awkward.
I won't let you talk to them/me that way
That's a disturbing opinion to have. What does your therapist think about that?
If only closed minds had closed mouths.
A donation has been made to the___ foundation in your name.
It appears that our values and viewpoints are not aligned so I'm going to take the stress off us both and block you from seeing my future posts. Best of luck out there!
Alternatively simply leave it at this: “We respect and value different things." No hard feelings, no love lost.
Defending From The Narcissistic Personality
The D.E.E.P. Technique is a strategic approach for managing interactions with narcissists, designed to minimize conflict, protect one's emotional well-being and self-worth and reduce opportunity for manipulation or control. Do NOT do the following;
Defend: Avoid justifying your actions, choices, or feelings to the narcissist, as this often invites further criticism or manipulation.
Engage: Refrain from arguing or reacting emotionally. Narcissists thrive on conflict and attention, so disengaging reduces their power in the interaction.
Explain: Resist the urge to provide detailed explanations for your behavior or decisions. Narcissists often twist explanations to their advantage.
Personalize: Understand that the narcissist’s actions and words reflect their own issues, not your worth or value. This helps you detach emotionally.
Reminder: You are not an energy source for people who refuse to do the inner work. Never allow yourself to be someone else's energetic supply or extension through control or manipulation. When you give your attention to those who aren’t ready to heal themselves from past wounds, you not only drain yourself—you also take away their opportunity to begin their own healing journey.
Similar Techniques for Managing Narcissists
Gray Rock Method: Act emotionally unresponsive, neutral, and "boring" in interactions. This deprives the narcissist of the attention they seek and discourages further engagement.
Boundaries : Set and maintain clear, firm boundaries. Clearly communicate what behaviors you will not tolerate and stick to them, even if the narcissist tries to push back.
Detach with Love: Emotionally detach from the narcissist while still wishing them well. This is often used in situations where cutting off the relationship is not possible, such as with family members or co-workers.
The 3 R's:
Recognize manipulative tactics or gaslighting.
Resist reacting emotionally.
Respond thoughtfully and calmly, if necessary.
If someone is triggered by your energy or presence, let them. Embrace that power you have. Energy will always feel off or inconsistent with those who are inauthentic or not meant to be close to you.
Guaranteed energy wasters: Trying to prove, convince, figure out, change or modify yourself or someone else. Let it all be what it is. Where is your energy best used instead?
Understanding & Combatting Deflection
If only closed minds had closed mouths. Dismissing someone as a “too sensitive" "needy" or "over emotional” is a classic gaslighting or distraction tactic that shifts focus from an argument to a false label, sidestepping the actual discussion.
First, know that behind these accusations is often a wounded inner child who was punished or ridiculed when they tried to express their own emotions authentically. Disgust towards basic kindness, compassion, and vulnerability, typically comes from those who were often abandoned, criticized and mocked as children. Their human qualities, needs and softness were judged as signs of weakness and thus repressed by their culture or parental figures.
As adults these bullies will do whatever they can to project their pain and toxic shame onto others. These types of people are simply not capable of empathy (it's far too scary or uncomfortable), so don't try to change them. The best thing for you to do is keep your distance from them and wish them healing and evolution.
You can only attempt to defend yourself from badgering with these phrases:
“The only emotion I’m feeling is impatience with your obvious attempts to distract from the point”
“Calling me emotional doesn’t change the facts I’m presenting. It just shows a lack of confidence in addressing the actual points, creating a need to deflect.”
"Trying to undermine me personally by calling me emotional weakens your argument, not mine. It's clear you're trying to deflect. If you have salient counterpoints, please present them and let's keep the discussion on topic."
“There’s no need to project your feelings onto me. If we stay focused on the facts, I’m sure the conversation will seem much clearer for you.”
“There’s no need to resort to personal attacks just because the argument isn’t going in your favor. Let’s keep this on track and try to stay focused.”
“Calling me emotional doesn’t make it true; it just avoids engaging with the actual points I’m making.”
“If dismissing me as emotional helps you avoid the actual argument, that’s on you. The facts remain.”
"Your comments are indicating that you're not emotionally aware or mature enough to handle this conversation"
"It's clear that your own inner pain is being projected on to me, so I will be exiting this conversation now"
People who offer negativity, hate or disrespect are either jealous or jobless. If they were satisfied and fulfilled in their life, they wouldn’t be spending time criticizing or commenting on your life. Simply ignore them, pity them, and silently wish them well.
Don't take conflict personally or let others get under your skin. Remember, when someone disrespects you it's a reflection of them and their own pain, sadness or shame. Only hurt people hurt other people.
Resolving Conflict Through Validation
One effective way to navigate conflicts is through the use of empathetic and solution-oriented phrases that promote open communication and mutual respect.
After you’ve opened the conversation, the next step to resolving the conflict is validation. It’s not about agreeing with everything they’re saying; it’s about acknowledging that their perspective and emotions are valid.
Here are 4 things you can validate:
- What they’re saying
- What they’re feeling
- What’s important to them
- That they’re safe with you
Using these phrases helps to build a respectful and empathetic relationship, where both parties feel heard and validated, regardless of differing viewpoints.
"I want to understand your concerns better"
"Let's look at all sides and find. a solution together"
"Can we revisit this when we are both less activated?"
"Let's listen to each other without interruption"
"Let's focus on finding a way forward"
"I may not fully understand, by I can see this is important. to you"
"I appreciate you sharing this een though we might not agree"
"I can see this is affecting you and I care about that"
"It's ok that we see things differently. I still respect how you feel"
"Thank you for expressing that. I am here to listen and support you"
Try it out, and see how much smoother your conversations can go!
"Difficult conversations are almost never about getting the facts right. They are about conflicting perceptions, interpretations, and values."
Douglas Stone
Staying Grounded
It can be difficult to maintain peace and calm when people around us are creating disturbance. We can only control ourselves so that is where we must put our attention focus. We must choose our battles wisely and avoid reacting to people and situations that ruffle us. We can do this through MINDFULNESS.
The first step in staying grounded is to become aware and notice when and how you're being activated or dysregulated. Look out for
Your energy moving into the top half of your body (such as heart or head)
An inability to stay mindful and present
Feeling anxious, overwhelmed, or having spinning thoughts
Difficulty concentrating, being mentally scattered or forgetful
Feeling disconnected from our bodies
Energy imbalances: feeling drained or hyper
Being confused and indecisive
Physical symptoms, such as headaches and indigestion
Grounding exercises and visualizations are techniques used to redirect stressful thoughts and bring your focus to the present moment, providing stability and calm during times of conflict, anxiety, or emotional overwhelm. These practices often engage the senses or use imagery to anchor your awareness in the here and now. Techniques include:
5-4-3-2-1 sensory check-in
Visualization as tree roots extending deep into the earth
Picturing a calming scene, like a peaceful beach or serene forest
Trust your Intuition. Every cell in your body is an antenna that can pick up on frequency and alignment.
Creating Distance
We are each in charge with protecting ourselves. This means that we need to consciously instill some type of personal boundary to our auric field, and continuously monitor what energy we want to allow into our space and what we prefer to keep out.
Sometimes DISTANCE is the answer. Creating space can be a powerful way to protect personal peace, especially when staying close means compromising emotional well-being. This isn’t about cutting people out hastily; it’s about honoring your needs and respecting your boundaries. This space can encourage healthier dynamics or, at the very least, preserve your energy for relationships that uplift you and come naturally.
Here are some situations where maintaining distance can be a healthy choice:
Consistent Disrespect or Toxic Behavior
Lack of Transparency
Lack of Accountability
Manipulative or Controlling Dynamics
Continuously Escalating Conflict
Unbalanced Emotional Investment
Frequent Boundary Violations
Return to Sender
A Return to Sender spell is a powerful way to protect your energy from narcissists, energy vampires, and toxic influences. It isn’t about harming anyone—it’s about returning negative energy to its source and reinforcing your boundaries.
Set Your Space: Light a candle and take a few deep breaths. Visualize yourself surrounded by a shield of light—gold for empowerment, blue for protection, or white for purification.
Write Their Energy Away: On the piece of paper, write down the energy or behaviors you want to return (e.g., "manipulation, deception, draining energy, false narratives"). You can also write: "I release all energy that is not mine, sending it back to its source with love and neutrality."
Charge the Mirror: Hold a mirror and say:
Return to sender, let them reap.
Not mine to hold, not mine to keep,
What is not mine returns to thee.
My energy is sovereign, my spirit free
No harm to them, no harm to me,
Reflect, Deflect, so let it be."
Seal the Spell: Place the paper under the bowl of salt or crystal. If you prefer, carefully burn the paper in a fireproof dish and scatter the ashes outside.
Close & Protect: Blow out the candle, thanking your guides or higher power. Carry the crystal with you for added protection or place the mirror facing outward near your door to keep toxic energy away.
Say this when you feel drained, after interacting with toxic people, or before bed to cleanse lingering energies.
Reminder: Accustations from a narcissist are usually confessions. Your "haters" in life are simply those who hate themselves and project that feeling onto others. Their hate is their own, so let it stay with them.
Healing the Collective
Relational skills are the key to dismantling a toxic empire of oppression, not protests and petitions.
Conscious connection and community is how we reclaim power, build liberation, and weaken the systems hold on us.
And that work starts in the everyday moments of being a good friend, partner, parent, sibling, neighbor etc :
• Showing up for eachother
• Learning to sit with conflict instead of avoiding it.
• Practicing trust and vulnerability.
The quiet, intentional work practiced close to home matters.
When individuals and communities engage in conscious healing and conflict resolution, they learn to communicate effectively, acknowledge their differences, and work toward shared goals—skills that are equally vital on a larger scale.
Real power and emotional maturity is being able to stay grounded in your peace while being surrounded by ungrounded people.
Healing collective wounds, such as historical injustices, systemic inequalities, and cultural divisions, allows for the release of deep-seated grievances that fuel widespread tensions and conflicts. By addressing these issues with empathy and a commitment to understanding, societies can move beyond blame and retaliation, creating space for reconciliation and mutual respect.
On a global level, this can foster greater diplomatic relations, reduce the likelihood of violence, and promote sustainable development as nations work collaboratively to solve pressing challenges, moving toward a more compassionate, interconnected, and peaceful world.
"Peace is not the absence of conflict, but the ability to cope with it."
Mahatma Gandhi
Wrapping It Up
Trust your instincts—if you feel unsafe, diminished, or like you're walking on eggshells, these could be red flags that point to an unhealthy and abusive dynamic. It's time to take steps to protect and heal yourself before more damage is done.
Remember, the goal is to empower yourself and create positive spaces and situations around you. You deserve to feel safe and respected at all times!
In the end, difficult conversations are acts of courage and care. When we choose to address issues directly, we show that we value our connections enough to face the discomfort. By approaching these conversations with emotional intelligence and empathy, we transform conflict into a bridge for mutual understanding, trust, and growth.
Embracing these tough talks frees us from the long-term build-up of resentment, confusion, and frustration. Speaking up creates room for healing, clarity, and a stronger foundation in all relationships.
Choosing to engage (or disengage) allows us to make the space to build relationships that align with our highest values and aspirations, fostering meaningful connections with those who truly resonate with us.
'It is usually futile to try to talk facts and analysis to poeople who are enjoying a sense of moral superiority in their ignorance."
Thomas Sowell
Erin is a certified feng shui consultant, energy healer, wellness coach and holistic growth strategist.
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